We're Moving!

If you follow me on twitter, you'll know that we decided to accept a house on the Air Force Academy instead of Fort Carson. We've seen the one Carson was offering, we were actually allowed to go inside the one at the AFA to check it out first. So we decided to go with that one instead. Plus, with Brendon commuting(from the AFA) with his friend, it saves gas. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath and has a unfinished basement. Which I like to call the man cave/ tornado shelter.

Our housing area is called Pine Valley. 

                                                        Our back patio, we'll make this pretty.

We're letter F. (That's not our car, btw)

Cheyenne Mountain from the AFA, near the BX.

We had a good time over the weekend. We went over to a friends Friday after a argument. And it was a gorgeous weekend, so of course we went outside to the park. 

I find myself 'Lost'.

Everyone has talked about the show Lost for years now, and I've never watched it. Well, except the first episode once. Now that I'm watching it, what was I thinking? This show is pretty cool, and I like the mystery around it.

I start school again a few weeks after Brendon deploys, so that will keep my busy. I know I'll be getting closer to my meteorology degree with this, so hopefully it goes well.

We have a FRG meeting tonight, which is mandatory. *sigh* I'm trying to be active, but the last two weeks I haven't felt like being involved with a lot of things, not just the FRG, just anything in general.

We were under a tornado watch yesterday and only had one thunderstorm, which produced some pea size hail briefly. I did get some cool cloud pictures...

Shoutouts and Pictures.

Hi all new followers! I promise to follow you all back after I finish writing this. I've been semi busy and exhausted from the weekend to think about my blog. *shame* I don't have much to really write about other than hanging out with friends Friday night and having a blast. We may go this Friday, but we're not sure yet. Hopefully my husband won't get so messed up drunk again and be the comedy of the party.

I leave you with pictures of my adorable child. Heh.

P.S. - I start school August 23rd for my general education credits.

Blog Hoping Once More!

A little about myself.

My name is Kena, and I'm 23 years old. We're currently living in Milledgeville, Georgia while my husband is deployed. We're stationed at Fort Carson, until this fall, where we will PCS back to Fort Campobell. I'm a southern girl, born and raised in Georgia. My husband's name is Brendon, and he's in the Army. We've gone through one deployment and we're gearing up for number two this summer. We are the proud parents of a hot headed 3 year old named Braden, who is basically my world. We are expecting another little boy named Jacob, due in March.

I enjoy writing, reading, playing games. I'm big into card games, any of the Halo games on the xbox 360, or World of Warcraft. I enjoy going mud bogging, fishing, camping, making graphics, and just being with friends and family. I'm not the most exciting person around but I can be at times! I'm a major weather fanatic and I plan on getting my degree in meteorology and work for the Storm Prediction Center in Norman, OK someday.

My blog will involve all things Army, deployment, weather, and motherhood. :)

I got a blog award!

I received this blog award from Staci over at Random Ramblings of a Military Wife. That brightened up my week, a lot. Thank you! Now I'll be passing this award on to 10 ladies I love reading on here.

Please visit these ladies! They are truly amazing.

Chelle  - It's a Hooah Life
Kelly - Pretty Tiaras
Jennifer - The Princess and the Combat Boots
Ashley - Ashley Amazing

Everyone has already been given this award, and they're all well deserved as well!

Closing In On The Big D Word.

We're nearing the beginning of our second deployment. We talked to the chaplain yesterday, and he's a great guy. Brendon's been bottling up some emotions he's had since May 2008... from his best friend being killed in action and his NCO being severely injured. I knew he was hurting, but I don't think I ever knew how much. It was nice to see him opening up. We're still dealing with a lot, including the miscarriage. I think that just brought him down even more.

After we got home, we watched The Biggest Loser(happy with final 4 I must say, minus Koli) and went to bed. We talked for a while in the bed and it was just nice. We haven't done that in so long. He's usually so exhausted from work, he falls asleep on the couch and I have play heck to get him in the bed.

We're supposed to be warming up over the next two weeks, including hitting the 80s or 90s. I'm excited because it snows so much here and I'm pretty sick of it. I know when my mom comes up, I'd like to be able for us to all go to the zoo here. If possible, going to the Denver Zoo again. I wanted to see the baby Red Pandas, but they were just born and weren't out yet. So I'll be thrilled to be able to do that, or at least take Braden to The Children's Museum.

I think we'll be planning our trip home around July 1st. It's in the middle of block leave.

Fort Carson, PTSD help or hell?

We've been trying to get my husband help for his PTSD issues since last year. I knew something was different when he came home from his last deployment. He's been in a IED explosion and lost his best friend from the same type deal May 28th, 2008. Brendon isn't ever able to get time off from work to go see someone. He's tried. They're always out training, doing ranges and things like that. From my point of view, I see it's frustrating for him, even if he doesn't say it. There's a lot of stuff he won't tell me because he feels he can't. I won't understand, he keeps it bottled up. I know there's a lot that happened from the deployment he isn't telling me and he needs someone to talk to. He's taken a big liking to alcohol. Last weekend we fought over the drinking because he went to a friends house saying he wasn't going to and he drove after having beers. At one point, he was drinking so much every Friday and Saturday night and he'd spend those nights in the bathroom from throwing up so much. It hurts me to see him like this.

He gets so angry. Even at the littlest things. And if I'm saying something he doesn't like... he ignores me. He hasn't been right since he's gotten back last March. Well, I follow Operation PTSD on Facebook and they mentioned trying to get a hold of someone at Carson about PTSD and want to know what was said? Basically if they aren't a immediate threat at the moment, they get put on the back burner because they aren't as important. I get that, I do. But who's to say that person isn't going to snap the next day and hurt someone? Brendon has... he's not in his right mind but he has pushed me around once. ONCE(I haven't told a lot of people about this). He knows he better not do it again, but that's when I really knew he needed help. And he can't even get the chance to get the help he needs. We're 2 months away from the deployment and no help. I can't imagine how it's going to be when he's gone again. He'll come back 10x worse. I'm so worried about his mental state. He's made a mention that my miscarriage isn't helping his emotions right now. If I talk about it, he can't be in the apartment because it upsets him.

The only reason we're going to see the chaplain today is because I told Brendon's NCO's we needed to see him because of the miscarriage. I'm not in a good state of mind myself. I feel empty and useless sometimes. When I think I'm okay, it hits me again. My sister in law also told us she's pregnant... ON MOTHER'S DAY. I walked away from the room after hearing about it and just stood in the shower for 40 ish minutes. But I took this as a in to help get a step closer to getting Brendon help, too. Our chaplain is a good guy(we've eaten dinner with him at the marriage retreat in March), so I hope we can trust him with this.

Military Spouse Appreciate Day!

I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I
do not give. But the military world is the place where I live. I'm not
in the chain of command, orders I do not get. But my Marine is the one
that does, this I cannot forget. I'm not the one who fires the weapon,
who puts my life on the line. But my job is just as tough. I'm the one
that's left behind.

I Feel So...

I've tried talking about what happened with Brendon as much as I could, but I still feel sad about it. I feel empty. How am I supposed to feel after something like this? Brendon's pretty upset, too. He delayed his going to the E5 board because he couldn't keep his mind on studying for it. His nco's are being understanding, so that's a plus.

I haven't felt like being around the computer too much or talking to a lot of people.I want to try to find a support group because honestly, I think it might help. Or at least talk to a therapist. Something. I feel like there's things I can't talk about with Brendon about it because it upsets him. I don't know.

But in good news, we are moving on post next month. We're moving into Choctaw Village, it's closer to work for Brendon. Plus with all the crime going on lately, it feels safer. We've gotten closer to Brendon deploying, and I don't want to think about it but we're so close now.

A follow up of epicness.

Well, I went to the doctor today and had my hcg levels checked again. My levels went from 1100 to 800(Thursday) and today it was at 12. So it was obvious I was in the middle of having a miscarriage. I'm pretty sure Sunday was the big day because of all the big clotting I had and once that stopped, I wasn't cramping at all. The doctor said my body was doing a good job of getting rid of everything on it's own, so I just go in next week for more blood work to make sure my levels go down to what it should be.

Brendon is upset too. He's not showing it like I am, but I can tell. And Braden can tell we're all upset. He's going around saying "happy, be happy, happy!" So I know he's trying his best to make us smile. I know he doesn't understand completely what's going on. I'm not sure how to explain it to him, either.

We're going to be moving on post next month. I would just feel safer being on post than off. Our neighborhood isn't that great. People have had their cars stolen here(and the victim was run over) and gang shootings. It's quite scary.

I'm off.

Feeling Great.

I woke up feeling amazing this morning. I'm trying to keep as calm as possible and not think about what's the worst that can happen. The bleeding is coming and going but the last time I checked it was tapering off. I really don't want to go back to see this doctor on post. He was a jerk to me and made me feel horrible. I'd rather pay the $47 out of pocket for the hcg level check with my mid wife than see this bafoon. I'm also ready for Brendon to be home. He was supposed to be home yesterday but they put him on the last flight and switched him with someone else.  It's hard not to feel a little stressed when trying to get your 2 year old to listen and chasing him around.

In all honesty, since I got pregnant, I've actually lost 9 lbs. I think that has to do with the diarrhea(EW!) and the caffeine I stopped drinking. So meh.

I'm really nervous because the deployment is coming up soon. VERY soon. I feel like it snuck up on us once I forgot about it. I guess we'll be making a trip home to Georgia at the end of June, as of right now. Whether or not we're flying is still up in the air. I can't handle the car ride anymore. We made the trip in December and started getting car sick, which has never happened before. For all three of us, I think it will end up being cheaper to drive. So we'll see.